I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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