Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No subtext here. People are naked.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
