I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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