I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
