I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Girls should come with a carfax report
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
