Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
