so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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