five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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