He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We have started to decorate penises.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
