I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
