maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
