I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
