Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
