I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
