drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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