She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
