Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
