Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
