OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
