walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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