If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
