i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
