Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
