"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
