its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
