the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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