oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
