Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
