dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
