This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
