ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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