Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
