My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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