The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
