No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
