You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
