whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
