you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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