I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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