I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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