i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
