So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
