Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
