I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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