batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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