i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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