She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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