i already hear my dad disowning me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
