haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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