Having a random hookup so left but love u
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
