somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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