You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
