Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
