im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
