let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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