I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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