I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
