My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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